DEAR INTERNET JOURNAL,

MY, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE CONFIDED IN YOUR DIGITAL PAGES, HAS IT NOT? SINCE WE LAST SPOKE, MY PREVIOUS COMPUTER HAS BECOME USELESS TO ME, AS I SOMEHOW MANAGED TO LOCK MYSELF OUT OF IT...THAT IS THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER TRUST ANYTHING "VOICE-ACTIVATED".

...NORMALLY I DON'T LIKEN MYSELF TO A COMMON THIEF, YET IN THE PURSUIT OF THE ARTS, I BELIEVE ONE CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR SUCH MISGIVINGS...*PATS HIS NEW COMPUTER THAT HE TOOK FROM THE SCHOOL COMPUTER LABS*

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT MYSELF...FOR I HAVE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DISCUSS.

LIKE...HER...MY GODDESS WHOSE PASSION SEEMS TO BURN AS BRIGHTLY AS THE SUN IN THE HEAVENS, NO A HUNDREDS TIMES AS BRIGHT!...THE SPIRITS ABOVE HAVE SEEN FIT TO BLESS SUCH A PAINFULLY COMMON WRETCH AS I WITH...HER ATTENTION...HER....AFFECTION?

ALAS I...I AM NOT WORTHY...I DO HER A GREAT INJUSTICE TO DARE TO DREAM THAT SHE MAY TRULY FEEL THE SAME WAY AS I DO FOR HER...

...DO THE GODS MOCK ME BY GIVING ME ALL I EVER WANTED ONLY TO MAKE ME SUCH A COWARD, SUCH A FEEBLE SHELL OF A MAN THAT I CANNOT TRULY BE A MAN WORTHY OF ...HER...? FIE, FIE ON THEM, OH CURSED SPIRITS ABOVE!

...AND YET...WE SHARED A KISS...A KISS AS TENDER AND SWEET AS I HAVE ALWAYS HOPED IT WOULD BE... PERHAPS...PERHAPS SHE DOES TRULY...NAY, I DARE NOT CONTEMPLATE FURTHER, LEST MY HEART EXPLODE WITHIN MY CHEST...


...


PS: I THINK THAT KOH STILL HAS MY RAKE...HOW WILL I EVER GET THROUGH PEAK RAKING SEASON WITHOUT IT?...WHAT WITH THE BIG COMPETITION COMING UP...

...

PPS: ...I FOUND A SOMBRERO IN MY BED THE OTHER NIGHT...I DON'T SUPPOSE ANYONE KNOWS WHERE IT CAME FROM?

ALAS, TODAY I AM NO LONGER WORTHY TO CALL MYSELF A MAN.
I AM BUT A LOWLY LUMP OF CLAY, ONE THAT CANNOT FATHOM ITS WORTH WITHOUT A SCULPTOR'S TALENTED HANDS TO MOLD, AND SHAPE IT.
......I BEG OF YOU TO FORGIVE THIS POOR SOUL FOR LOSING THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT YOU HAVE EVER GIVEN TO ME...THE GIFT OF THE VERY TOOL THAT DAILY CARESSES YOUR SILKEN LOCKS. IT WAS STOLEN FROM ME, BY AN EMERALD-EYED DEMON OF GREED! I FOUGHT VALIANTLY, BUT ALAS, HE HAD STRENGTH NOT UNLIKE A LION-BEAR...AND YOUR MOST TREASURED TOKEN OF AFFECTION WAS LOST...FORGIVE ME MY GODDESS, BUT MY HUMANITY MAKES ME WEAK...I BEG OF YOU TO FORGIVE ME AND I PLEAD YOU TO REALIZE THAT NO MATTER WHERE MY HEART SEEMS TO STRAY, I AM YOUR FAITHFUL AND HUMBLE SERVANT FOR ETERNITY...YOUR CLAY FOR YOU TO MOLD AS YOU SEE FIT..

TODAY, I HAD A VISION...AN AMAZON, A FEMALE WARRIOR AS BEAUTIFUL AS SHE IS FIERCE...EVERY INCH OF HER A DEADLY WEAPON THAT ANY MAN WOULD GLADLY HAVE HIS LIFE EXTINGUISHED BY. OH BUT COULD I MUSTER THE COURAGE TO THROW MYSELF AT HER MERCY (AND HER IMMACULATE SIZE 13 FEET) AND LET HER CLAIM VICTORY OVER SUCH AN UNWORTHY FOOT SOLDIER AS MYSELF...*SIGHS*

AND LO, I FOUND MYSELF TWICE-BLESSED BY FORTUNE...ANOTHER CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH MY ANGEL! SURELY SHE MUST BE CONSIDERED THE LOVELIEST OF ALL THE CELESTIAL BEINGS. FORGETTING MYSELF, I CHANCED A GIVING HER A SMALL TOKEN OF MY AFFECTION, WHICH IN HER GENTLENESS, SHE DID NOT SEEM TO MIND. UNFORTUNATELY, I GOT TOO EXCITED AND GAVE HER EVERY SINGLE TOKEN I HAD LOVING CRAFTED FOR HER AT ONCE (CURSES, THOSE WERE SUPPOSED TO LAST FOR A LIFETIME...OR AT LEAST A WEEK), ONLY TO FLEE LIKE THE COWARD I AM...OH CRUEL FATE, WHY MUST YOU TAKE SUCH PLEASURE IN MY SUFFERING?

PS: SHOULD I ORGANIZE MY GARDENING TOOLS ACCORDING TO SIZE, AMOUNT OF USE, OR GIVEN NAME?

DEAR DIARY,

TODAY, I AM A MAN! I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO SPEAK WITH MY...GODDESS.
BUT LO!
TODAY, A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL SMILED UPON MY UNWORTHY FORM FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE.
HER FACE, AS SOFT AND SERENE AS A MEADOW COVERED WITH NEW-FALLEN SNOW...
WHAT A SHARP CONTRAST TO HER, MY GODDESS WITH HER EYES THAT BURN SO BRIGHT, SO COLD...HER GAZE NOT UNLIKE THE SWEET CARESS OF A THOUSAND TINY TONGUES OF FLAME.

AN ANGEL, HER SMILE LIKE THE GLOW OF THE FULL MOON.
A DEVIL, HER LIPS MORE WICKED THAN ANY TYRANT THAT HAS ROAMED THE EARTH.
HOW CRUEL FATE IS TO TEMPT AMAN IN SUCH A FASHION!

BUT FOR NOW, I MUST ADJOURN...WITH A TOKEN OF MY ANGEL'S AFFECTION...
*GRASPS THE SQUARE OF TISSUE PAPER TIGHTLY IN HIS HANDS*


PS: I'VE NAMED MY NEW RAKE "LI". 

...I WAS ABLE TO GET A JOB AT THE LOCAL SCHOOL TODAY.

...THE SCHOOL WHERE I FIRST SAW...

THE OBJECT OF MY DEEPEST DESIRES

...I BOUGHT A NEW RAKE FOR THE OCCASION <3